Title: A Captain's Compassion
Author: Gray (kmgray3@aol.com)
Description: Crais ponders his situation
Rating: G
Disclaimers: All Farscape names, characters and other related indicia are the property of Jim Henon Productions, Hallmark Entertainment, Studio 9, the Scifi Channel and all associated parties. No copyright infringement is intended.

A Captain's Compassion
by Karolyn Gray

How could I have been so wrong? Allowed myself to stray so far?

Everything I've accomplished turned to ashes in once blinding revelation from one who should have desired my death more than most. And yet she let me live. That more than anything else should have been a clear indication of how my own actions had altered the lives of those under my charge.

But of course I did not come to this revelation until later, when the pain had faded, the screams nothing more than gasps of air hissing out of my throat, and no longer able to hide from the very thing I hate most. No. That is not true. I can no longer lie to myself. I will not delude myself in that regards.

I am still uncertain if I should condemn her or bless her for that ordeal and the epiphany such knowledge has brought me. I could thank her, but she would not believe me any more than the others she now travels with.

I see clearly now that her time with them had not contaminated her as I had thought. If anything she is stronger, wiser, and as strange as I find this to be, more compassionate than any Peace Keeper I have ever known.

I was taught strength and compassion were incompatible. Strength was weakened by compassion. Compassion an impossibility that could not be allowed to exist in a soldier expected to fight and die. I see now that what I thought was true was in fact an utter fabrication intended to maintain control.

This ragtag band of fugitives I had hunted for so long, time and again bested our elite soldiers. I used to think it had been luck or Officer Sun's own traitorous actions. Imagine my surprise as I realized the truth.

It was their combined skills and compassion for each other that have given them a strength and loyalty that I have never seen in Peace Keepers. Yes, they argue and connive and lie to one another and yet they remain bonded together when outside forces try to intervene and disrupt the anarchistic social structure they have formed.

And while I used this compassion to my own ends it is, in and of itself, quite admirable and has given me even more to think about. I did not lie to them when I said I had much o think over, much to atone for. I do and readily admit as much. That is why I needed Talyn.

Aeryn Sun will be angry to be certain, but I know she will come to understand my purpose. Perhaps of all of them she is the only one who could. I know she will understand that I had no desire to harm her and Talyn's wish had been equally clear to me with our new bond, but she had to leave. Her place was aboard Moya, with Crichton and the others.

Not with me.

My capacity for such emotions extends only so far as the reach of my weapons, for I know little of compassion and its application. Nor would I understand such beneficence directed at me. It is another facet of myself that I find I must now give consideration to. Is such behavior my own doing as a Sebacean or that of what I was raised to believe as a Peace Keeper?

Officer Sun came to understand these things in the exile I imposed upon her. It has made her stronger, more resilient. A woman's whose talents I wasted in a pique of self important arrogance. Though I wish her traveling companions were more….suitable, who am I to judge the actions of one I have unjustly wronged?

Perhaps I shall be able to do the same now that I have brought the same fate upon myself. Only time shall tell.