Title: I'll Get By (Lament of a Human)
Author: Karolyn Gray <kmgray3@aol.com>
ScifiBB/Chat Handle: Gray3
Rating: PG
Synopsis: Crichton is resigned to his future. (Pre-Twice Shy, possible AU?)
Spoilers: Possibly Season 4
Archiving: Yes
Disclaimers: All Farscape names, characters and other related indicia are the property of Jim Henson Productions, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Networks, the Scifi Channel and all associated parties. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: (1) Originally the first in a two part series, I'll Get By. Part 2, Lament of a Sebacean, was supposed to be from Aeryn POV involving D'Argo and Aeryn. Anyone interested in writing the second part is free to do so. (2) There is an incident referred to in the story that pushes this towards the AU category, along with the presence of Jool, and no Sikozu or Scorpius, but you know how fanfic can be.

I'll Get By (Lament of a Human)
by Karolyn Gray
26 January 2003

D'Argo stormed through Moya's golden passageways, his temper rising with each step. It was bad enough he had been forced to go to the planet alone with Jool and Chiana after the frelling human had decided to stay behind at the last microt. The headache he now had started ten microts into the flight to the commerce planet as Jool and Chiana bickered over everything and Rygel groused about what food they would procure. Then they had returned only to find Crichton was not present to help them unload as he had promised. Aeryn, he knew was busy with maintenance duties and doubted Crichton would be required to assist. Added to this had Pilot evasiveness regarding Crichton's location before cutting off his comms abruptly.

As he neared the Center Chamber he sniffed the air once and growled at the scent of his human shipmate, his anger boiling. Stomping down the hall a strange sound brought him to a halt. Something he hadn't heard, well... he couldn't remember when: laughter. More specifically Aeryn Sun's laughter. His anger forgotten in curiosity he leaned forward and listened carefully.

"Oh, c'mon. It wasn't that funny, Aeryn." Crichton complained chuckling. "Besides it was true. Ask D'Argo."

" 'The Mighty Crichton and D'Argo'," Aeryn mimicked in a surprisingly familiar voice. D'Argo shook his head in disgust at the memory of Raxil and LoMo, but couldn't help but allow himself a small smile for his two friends as he stepped into the chamber.

Crichton and Aeryn sat across from each other, a dusty bottle of fellip nectar and a pair of cups on the table between them. Aeryn had once leg drawn up to her chest and was leaned over still laughing, while Crichton had both legs propped up and was smiling broadly at his companion.

D'Argo cleared his throat, instantly bringing them to their feet looking somewhat embarrassed. "You're early, D." Crichton noted, glancing over to Aeryn.

"You are not in the maintenance bay." D'Argo replied gruffly.

"Right. Uh, sorry man. Let's get the pod unloaded." Crichton replied as he quickly exiting the chamber. D'Argo started to follow, looking over his shoulder to Aeryn.

"I'll be down shortly to help." She said as she collected the bottle and cups. D'Argo simply nodded in return and followed Crichton.

A short time later Crichton and D'Argo dropped a heavy crate into the storage bay, both breathing hard from their work. D'Argo had ordered both Chiana and Jool to leave after spending more time bickering than actually working, leaving just the two of them to do the work until Aeryn showed up. D'Argo had noticed Crichton seemed a bit distracted while they worked and decided this was now as good time as any to inquire what was bothering his friend.

"It's good to see you and Aeryn getting along so well." D'Argo noted neutrally, earning a somewhat startled look from Crichton.

Crichton shrugged slightly. "We're shipmates. Why wouldn't we be getting along?"

"You know what I mean, John." D'Argo sighed. "You two have hardly spoken to one another since that pleasure planet a few weekens back."

Crichton chuckled, flushing in obvious embarrassment and turned to face D'Argo. "Look, Aeryn and I cleared all that up. We were both looking for some action; we were both drunk and just happen to choose the same pleasure center. Hell, I don't even remember having sex with her." At D'Argo's skeptical look, Crichton waved his hands in front of him dismissively. "Look, it was just recreation. We talked about it and agreed it meant nothing more. Just a little no strings fun. We're just taking it slow now. You know, build up trust and all that."

D'Argo heard Crichton's words and conviction in his voice, but it was the hollowness in his friend's eyes that told him the truth. He had seen what transpired at the brothel on the pleasure planet first hand, had in fact encouraged Crichton to go there to relieve some of his sexual frustration. And then Aeryn had shown up equally as drunk as Crichton. One thing had led to another. D'Argo's single attempt to intervene has nearly resulted in a fight between Crichton and himself. D'Argo remembered well the aftermath of their encounter the next morning: the hidden looks of longing, forgiveness and loneliness. He had remained silent then. Not this time.

"You want it to be more." He stated simply.

"It doesn't matter what I want," Crichton replied looking away.

"She's not dead, John." D'Argo said, earning a sharp bark of laughter from Crichton. Crichton shook his head and looked back at D'Argo with a strange twisted smile.

"No. No, she's not, but I am."


Crichton cut him off, the sadness in his friends eyes bring a twinge of pain to D'Argo's hearts. "What do you want me to say, D'Argo? That I love her? Of course I do! I always will. But it doesn't matter. She can't love me. Not after him. Not like him. Not after everything else I said and did. She never will and I've accepted that. I brought it on myself. Better to have her friendship than nothing."

"John, you and she can still..."

"No!" Crichton snapped angrily. "We're friends. That's all I'll ever be to her." Crichton paused, swallowing hard as he reigned himself in. "Look, I'll get by, man. Just drop it. OK?"

D'Argo nodded silently in the face of his friend's obvious pain, regretting he had re-opened a wound that hadn't had to time to heal and perhaps never would.

"D'Argo. Crichton. Where are you?" Aeryn Sun's voice carried down the hall leading to the docking bay.

D'Argo watched in amazement as Crichton's facial features instantly returned to the usual good-natured smile he had become so accustomed to seeing and he called out to their Sebacean crewmate. "Down here, Aeryn."

A microt later Aeryn strode into view. "Everything alright here?" She asked, looking between them.

"Yeah, we're good. Just taking a short break before we finish unloading the rest of the supplies." Crichton replied easily.

"Need any help?" She offered.

"I'm human." Crichton replied with a small grin.

"I'll take that as a yes." Aeryn chuckled as she fell in step beside him, nodding in greeting to D'Argo.

"Commander Crichton."

"Yeah, Pilot. What's up?" Crichton stopped in the corridor looking in askance from his shipmates who shrugged in response to his silent question.

"There appears to be a problem in the neural nexus on tier seven. Would you please assist the DRDs?" Pilot's asked.

"On it, Pilot. I'll be there in a few microts." Crichton replied. He shook his head in silent apology and after a quick 'Later, guys' took off down the hall.

"Let's get the rest of these supplies stowed."

D'Argo shook his head at Aeryn's voice, noting she was looking at him oddly as if trying to decide whether to into inquire him about his silence. He was surprisingly relieved when she shrugged to herself and continued down the hall glancing back once to confirm he was following.

Resigned to the situation, he followed unable to help but lament for his friends.