Title: Thoughts On A Man III
Author: Karolyn Gray <kmgray3@aol.com>
ScifiBB/Chat Handle: Gray3
Rating: G
Synopsis: Post Jeremiah Crichton scene from Zhaan's POV.
Spoilers: Jeremiah Crichton
Archiving: Yes
Disclaimers: All Farscape names, characters and other related indicia are the property of Jim Henson Productions, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Networks, the Scifi Channel and all associated parties. No copyright infringement is intended.


Thoughts On A Man III
by Karolyn Gray

As I look into your blue eyes, I remember so well this past quarter cycle. Our nearly daily deliberations on where to search or even if we should and the stress and tension it caused between all of us. Each time a variation on the same theme. I would council on ending our search, D'argo would adamantly demand we continue and inevitably Aeryn would be forced to make the decision to continue.

I know they thought my attitude cold and uncaring after all I had done to help you assimilate to our universe and after all you have done for me in return. We still have a bond between us, a bond that the others cannot understand.

I knew…I know you would understand my concerns for our freedom. You would never want us to sacrifice our lives and our freedom for you. It is your nature. A nature I understand all too well. And now seeing you once more, I feel an unexpected rush of guilt and remorse.

I realize now why your words cut me so deeply when you left. Your innocent view of the universe gives you a startling insight that many a Pa'u would struggle for tens of cycles to acquire. Even in your anger you cut through to the warring divide within my soul, a divide I have tried to close ever since.

I knew D'argo would finally seek me out to question my behavior towards you and the search. Would you be surprised to discover that it was Aeryn who finally confronted me about my behavior instead?

I was rather surprised myself, though perhaps I should not have. I could see she was displeased by my response to her questions but she surprised me by accepting my words without further comment.

It is obvious she cares for you beyond her proclamation of comradeship, but it is not my place to press. The Goddess reveals herself in the fullness of time, after all. But I suspect on an instinctual level you know that as well.

And now approaching your disheveled form I wonder if I truly have become so far removed from the Goddess and her teachings that I am truly irredeemable as I look upon your weathered features.

But it is your eyes that catch and hold my own for a mere microt's time that reveal the truth to me. I feel the bond between us once more as I realize you are as uncertain and nervous as I.

"John, how are you?" I ask briefly resting a welcoming hand on your shoulder.

"I'm fine, Zhaan." You reply, still looking somewhat uncomfortable, though I can instantly feel your tension begin to slip away. "Now."

As I had hoped would be the case, there is no need for us to discuss the cause for our separation. Recriminations will accomplish nothing but to divide us further apart. You understand this where the others do not and I feel the darkness in my soul receding once more in the light of your innocent smile.

You may understand, but it is because the others do not that I move aside. There is still much for you and Aeryn to discuss. I can only wish that K'halenn watch over both of you.